Friday, January 19, 2007
Monday, January 8, 2007
Fear
What do you do when you are afraid? I procrastinate. So today I was suppose to go out and look for new job opportunities. What do I do instead? Clean the house. I have to feel like I still accomplished something since I am so scared of finding a new job :)
I would like to say I have no idea what is causing this fear but I would be lying. Right now I have a solid income, a great store and staff and decent job stability. I have been doing this kind of work for over 8 years now and I know what needs to be done (although my staff does have to remind me sometimes). Now I want to take all that and throw it away and jump head first into the unknown. It is like being 5 and standing on the 3meter diving board and looking over for the first time. Actually it is more like jumping off a waterfall into a pool below. The prospect is so beautiful and wonderful and exciting but also so scary because you don't know what lies beneath that churning water. When I was young that jump would have been made without a second thought. Woooosh. Straight into the cold and refreshing water. I would look back up at that cliff, climb out, run up and do it again all day. Now though...I have so much more to lose. Or is it just perceived loss? Who knows. Either way I am scared of what this job search may bring.
In the past jobs have fallen into my lap. I moved up quickly and into better paying positions without a problem. Now for the first time I am having to really look for a job. I am not sure exactly what I want to do, I just know that it will no longer be retail. I think I am afraid of failure. I have always done well at what ever I have worked at so I am not sure why this is so different. It may be because I want to change fields and I am not sure what skills I have and where they would be applicable. It could be the fact that my job and career affects more than just myself. I just know that I am afraid. I need to make the jump though. I don't have my heart into my job and I am rather unhappy with how the company I work for has been shaping up over the last two years. It isn't where I want to be anymore. For my own happiness I have to get over this fear and move onto something new. I need to see if that water is as inviting as it is scary. It is time for me to face the fear that has been haunting me for over two years now. It is time to take a leap and see where I land. Wish me luck ;)
I would like to say I have no idea what is causing this fear but I would be lying. Right now I have a solid income, a great store and staff and decent job stability. I have been doing this kind of work for over 8 years now and I know what needs to be done (although my staff does have to remind me sometimes). Now I want to take all that and throw it away and jump head first into the unknown. It is like being 5 and standing on the 3meter diving board and looking over for the first time. Actually it is more like jumping off a waterfall into a pool below. The prospect is so beautiful and wonderful and exciting but also so scary because you don't know what lies beneath that churning water. When I was young that jump would have been made without a second thought. Woooosh. Straight into the cold and refreshing water. I would look back up at that cliff, climb out, run up and do it again all day. Now though...I have so much more to lose. Or is it just perceived loss? Who knows. Either way I am scared of what this job search may bring.
In the past jobs have fallen into my lap. I moved up quickly and into better paying positions without a problem. Now for the first time I am having to really look for a job. I am not sure exactly what I want to do, I just know that it will no longer be retail. I think I am afraid of failure. I have always done well at what ever I have worked at so I am not sure why this is so different. It may be because I want to change fields and I am not sure what skills I have and where they would be applicable. It could be the fact that my job and career affects more than just myself. I just know that I am afraid. I need to make the jump though. I don't have my heart into my job and I am rather unhappy with how the company I work for has been shaping up over the last two years. It isn't where I want to be anymore. For my own happiness I have to get over this fear and move onto something new. I need to see if that water is as inviting as it is scary. It is time for me to face the fear that has been haunting me for over two years now. It is time to take a leap and see where I land. Wish me luck ;)
Thursday, January 4, 2007
It's over
So another holiday season has come and gone. What a wild ride this one has been. I have to say though, even with work being the most chaotic season I have been through yet, this Christmas was great. For the first time in several years I was able to have a blast shopping and finding little things that were perfect for the people I care about. Not all of those gifts have been sent yet but for me it isn't about the time of year. It is about the thought behind it.
My wife and I were both absolutely crazy this holiday. Her work had her tied down due to the project she is working on coming to a close this month and well, I work retail. That should say it all. Even with all that pressure we got our tree up (a real one, I love the smell) and lights up. We had the radio playing Christmas tunes most of the time and she even got in her baking. It just felt like that special time of year that I used to love so much. The last few years we have hardly had time to enjoy the season. This year we made time.
Neither of us are seriously religious and although I grew up Christian I wouldn't call myself one now. I would say I am a spiritual person but the more I have learned about other religions and schools of thought I have found it harder to believe any one set of ideas is totally right. That being said I still love this time of year. There are some thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that just ring true to me during this celebration. The feeling I get when I see a smile on my friends face when he opens the FLCL shirt I got him or the smile when my wife gets all her music playing on her new MP3 player, or the Amano book I got for another friend makes this season so wonderful. Knowing your friends and sharing what you love with them is great. Even while I was working, the chaos and greed I saw was split apart by that parent who was so happy to get the perfect gift or the child who said they would wait patiently when we didn't have a game in stock. It made my day. It over ruled so much of the negative side of the holiday greed we see at times. All that kindness and sharing and friendship is the true spirit of this holiday and this year I was able to share in it so much more than I have been able to for a while.
Retail has had it's toll on my holiday spirit. This year I fought back in one of the more trying years I have worked in it and I am glad I did. It showed me that the effort is well worth the rewards and that nothing is stronger than our own spirit. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and thanks for being a part of mine. Sharing it with you makes it all worth it.
My wife and I were both absolutely crazy this holiday. Her work had her tied down due to the project she is working on coming to a close this month and well, I work retail. That should say it all. Even with all that pressure we got our tree up (a real one, I love the smell) and lights up. We had the radio playing Christmas tunes most of the time and she even got in her baking. It just felt like that special time of year that I used to love so much. The last few years we have hardly had time to enjoy the season. This year we made time.
Neither of us are seriously religious and although I grew up Christian I wouldn't call myself one now. I would say I am a spiritual person but the more I have learned about other religions and schools of thought I have found it harder to believe any one set of ideas is totally right. That being said I still love this time of year. There are some thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that just ring true to me during this celebration. The feeling I get when I see a smile on my friends face when he opens the FLCL shirt I got him or the smile when my wife gets all her music playing on her new MP3 player, or the Amano book I got for another friend makes this season so wonderful. Knowing your friends and sharing what you love with them is great. Even while I was working, the chaos and greed I saw was split apart by that parent who was so happy to get the perfect gift or the child who said they would wait patiently when we didn't have a game in stock. It made my day. It over ruled so much of the negative side of the holiday greed we see at times. All that kindness and sharing and friendship is the true spirit of this holiday and this year I was able to share in it so much more than I have been able to for a while.
Retail has had it's toll on my holiday spirit. This year I fought back in one of the more trying years I have worked in it and I am glad I did. It showed me that the effort is well worth the rewards and that nothing is stronger than our own spirit. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and thanks for being a part of mine. Sharing it with you makes it all worth it.
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