What do you do when you are afraid? I procrastinate. So today I was suppose to go out and look for new job opportunities. What do I do instead? Clean the house. I have to feel like I still accomplished something since I am so scared of finding a new job :)
I would like to say I have no idea what is causing this fear but I would be lying. Right now I have a solid income, a great store and staff and decent job stability. I have been doing this kind of work for over 8 years now and I know what needs to be done (although my staff does have to remind me sometimes). Now I want to take all that and throw it away and jump head first into the unknown. It is like being 5 and standing on the 3meter diving board and looking over for the first time. Actually it is more like jumping off a waterfall into a pool below. The prospect is so beautiful and wonderful and exciting but also so scary because you don't know what lies beneath that churning water. When I was young that jump would have been made without a second thought. Woooosh. Straight into the cold and refreshing water. I would look back up at that cliff, climb out, run up and do it again all day. Now though...I have so much more to lose. Or is it just perceived loss? Who knows. Either way I am scared of what this job search may bring.
In the past jobs have fallen into my lap. I moved up quickly and into better paying positions without a problem. Now for the first time I am having to really look for a job. I am not sure exactly what I want to do, I just know that it will no longer be retail. I think I am afraid of failure. I have always done well at what ever I have worked at so I am not sure why this is so different. It may be because I want to change fields and I am not sure what skills I have and where they would be applicable. It could be the fact that my job and career affects more than just myself. I just know that I am afraid. I need to make the jump though. I don't have my heart into my job and I am rather unhappy with how the company I work for has been shaping up over the last two years. It isn't where I want to be anymore. For my own happiness I have to get over this fear and move onto something new. I need to see if that water is as inviting as it is scary. It is time for me to face the fear that has been haunting me for over two years now. It is time to take a leap and see where I land. Wish me luck ;)
2 comments:
if you don't jump you'll never know what life had in store for you and with a little faith in what you can do that jump will seam like a small step.
Very true. That is why I always ran back to the top of the waterfall to jump off again. It is just that first leap that is the hard one.
I know I have many skills and faith in what I do, I just have to find out where I want to apply it and convince the people I talk to that they need me :) Thanks :)
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